{"id":3553,"date":"2012-09-28T19:30:29","date_gmt":"2012-09-29T00:30:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/?p=3553"},"modified":"2017-08-21T12:07:29","modified_gmt":"2017-08-21T17:07:29","slug":"shakespeare-song-parody-countrywide-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/archives\/3553","title":{"rendered":"Shakespeare Song Parody: Countrywide Problems"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the eighth of a series<\/a> of Shakespeare-themed parodies of popular songs.<\/p>\n

Enjoy!<\/p>\n

Countrywide Problems<\/strong>
\nrapped to the beat of “99 Problems”<\/p>\n

(With apologies to Jay-Z, and anyone who came here looking for stuff they could use in class…)<\/p>\n

I ain\u2019t worried \u2018bout the Maid of Orleans.
\nI got countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.<\/p>\n

I got morbid fears on the war frontiers,
\nThis thing\u2019s been ragin\u2019 on for a Hundred Years.
\nCharles the Dauphin named himself the French King.
\nI\u2019m the French King, stupid, you don\u2019t know a damn thing.
\nMy father did conquer, or haven\u2019t you heard,
\nReclaiming the title of Edward III.
\nSo now England and France are united as one.
\nIf you don\u2019t like the arrangement, too bad, it\u2019s all done.
\nBut with our generals shaken, an army unskilled,
\nWith Talbot taken, and with Salisbury killed,
\nThe French took back Champaigne and Rouen,
\nRheims and Poitiers, and now Paris is gone\u2026 zut alors!
\nI don\u2019t know what you take me as,
\nOr understand the divine right that Henry has.
\nWe took back Rouen, but the French ain\u2019t done.
\nI got countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nBack me!<\/p>\n

Countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nI ain\u2019t worried \u2018bout the Maid of Orleans.
\nI got countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nBack me!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s 1429, and the realm is fine,
\nBut some folks just want to step out of line.
\nMy uncles spend hours debating my powers,
\nAnd out in the garden, they\u2019re choosing up flowers.
\nPlantagenet shows up with a smirk on his face,
\nAnd actin\u2019 like the fool thinks he owns the damn place, so I
\nTake the time out of planning for wars,
\nAnd I heard \u201cI have a claim that\u2019s better than yours.\u201d
\nYou don\u2019t have a claim, who you messin’ with?
\nYour pops was a traitor, mine was Henry V,
\nSo what\u2019s this claim you think you can flaunt?
\n\u201cFrom my mother from a brother who was older than Gaunt.\u201d
\nUh-huh. \u201cMy uncle carried the Mortimer name,
\nAnd now that he\u2019s gone I inherit his claim.\u201d
\nDescended through a female, so you missed your chance.
\n\u201cIf that\u2019s how it goes, what are we doing in France?\u201d
\nWe use English law here, you wanna be a smart alec,
\nFrench law is different, and it\u2019s not the Law Salic!
\n\u201cAren\u2019t you sharp as a tack, you some type of scholar or somthin\u2019,
\nSome kind of royal family historian?\u201d
\nI ain\u2019t got all the lineage trees from Burke\u2019s,
\nBut I know a little somethin’ ’bout how this all works.
\nI gave him York, but his trench ain\u2019t done.
\nI got countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nBack me!<\/p>\n

Countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nI ain\u2019t worried \u2018bout the Maid of Orleans.
\nI got countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nBack me!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Now once upon a time, when I had to invade,
\nA monarch like myself had to strong-arm a maid.
\nThis is not a maid in the sense of some girl with a sword,
\nBut a self-proclaimed handmaid who waits on the Lord.
\nMy army met hers on an Angiers field,
\nAnd in force of war, York made the witch yield.
\nYou know the type, claiming divine sight,
\nBut she couldn\u2019t hold her own in a brute fight.
\nThe only thing that I’d let happen is to stop all her yappin\u2019,
\nTake her to the stake and start strappin\u2019 with the wrappin\u2019,
\nAnd then watch the witch start bargainin\u2019,
\nIn a desperate attempt just to save her skin.
\nSuch an unholy lass, so afraid of death,
\nThat she\u2019s spouting out lies with her dying breath.
\nShe denied her father, claimed a noble birth,
\nAnd an unborn child to increase her worth.
\nBut from Renier of Naples or Alencon?
\nSo much for the \u201cMaid\u201d of Orleans.
\nWe lit the fire, and the stench ain\u2019t fun.
\nI got countrywide problems, burnin\u2019 a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nBack me!<\/p>\n

Countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nI ain\u2019t worried \u2018bout the Maid of Orleans.
\nI got countrywide problems, but a wench ain\u2019t one.
\nBack me!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the eighth of a series of Shakespeare-themed parodies of popular songs. Enjoy! Countrywide Problems rapped to the beat of “99 Problems” (With apologies to Jay-Z, and anyone who came here looking for stuff they could use in class…) I ain\u2019t worried \u2018bout the Maid of Orleans. I got countrywide problems, but a wench […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[113,4,12,48,78,46,3,119],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-histories","category-history","category-humor","category-music","category-parody","category-religion","category-shakespeare","category-plantagenets"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3553","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3553"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3553\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6447,"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3553\/revisions\/6447"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shakespeareteacher.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}