This is the third in a five-part series of Shakespeare Lipograms. For my third lipogram, I have chosen to summarize a Romance, Cymbeline, using “I” as the only vowel.

Enjoy!

British King did wish his kid, Inspiring Girl, did hitch with Swindling Witch’s kid, Insipid Nitwit. Inspiring Girl did this which British King didn’t wish: hitch with Whiz Kid. British King did dismiss Whiz Kid. Inspiring Girl did miss him. Swindling Witch bids Skill Wiz fix his spirit mix, giving Right Fit this. Skill Wiz did switch this spirit mix.

In Rimini, Whiz Kid sits with Nihilistic Twit. This visit is grim. Whiz Kid insists his virgin Inspiring Girl isn’t with sin. Nihilistic Twit will risk his rich bills with Whiz Kid’s ring if this virgin is with sin. Whiz Kid will print, giving Nihilistic Twit his visit.

Nihilistic Twit visits Inspiring Girl. Thinking Inspiring Girl isn’t with sin, Nihilistic Twit tricks this virgin, which will win his risk. Hiding in his bin, his trick is glimpsing this virgin in birth digs in midnight’s dim. Glimpsing firm skin, thick lips, thin midriff, fit thighs, Nihilistic Twit will fib right.

Nihilistic Twit fibs with Whiz Kid, which wins his ring. Whiz Kid is livid. Whiz Kid prints this in ink: Right Fit, Kill This Girl! Right Fit fits Inspiring Girl in stripling things, giving “him” Swindling Witch’s spirit mix. This Stripling Mimic will find Whiz Kid.

In his wild crib, Childish Misfit is living with British King’s Missing Kids. Missing Kids think Childish Misfit is kin. Stripling Mimic finds Childish Misfit’s wild crib. Stripling Mimic finds Missing Kids liking him, inviting him in. This link didn’t think it is missing siblings knit. It is!

Insipid Nitwit primps in Whiz Kid’s digs. First Missing Kid kills him. Stripling Mimic drinks Right Fit’s spirit mix. Missing Kids think Stripling Mimic is stiff. Missing Kids sing. Rising, Stripling Mimic finds Insipid Nitwit’s stiff, thinks it’s Whiz Kid, will miss him. Whiz Kid fights with British wing, which wins! In this fighting, British pinch Whiz Kid with Nihilistic Twit. Whiz Kid’s spirit kin visit him in his brig.

Whiz Kid with Nihilistic Twit visits British King with Stripling Mimic. Right Fit’s tiding is Swindling Witch is stiff. Stripling Mimic finds British King liking him, giving him his first wish. His first wish is Nihilistic Twit will spill it with this ring. Nihilistic Twit spills it: this ring is Whiz Kid’s. His fib did win it, which is ill. Striking Nihilistic Twit, Whiz Kid is livid. Lifting him, Stripling Mimic is hit. It is Inspiring Girl!

First Missing Kid spills it: It is him which did kill Insipid Nitwit. British King will kill him. Childish Misfit spills it: British King is Missing Kids’ kin; Inspiring Girl is Missing Kids’ sibling. British King did dismiss Childish Misfit’s sins. Whiz Kid did dismiss Nihilistic Twit’s sins. British King, with his kids, is in his bliss!

From Richard III:

Come; I have heard that fearful commenting
Is leaden servitor to dull delay;
Delay leads impotent and snail-paced beggary:
Then fiery expedition be my wing,
Jove’s Mercury, and herald for a king!

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

I entered the legal raffle contest by adding a nerdy note to Duane’s savvy blog.

Playing referee, he picked it randomly, and I won a copy of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Arrive! I’m excited! Hallelujah!

Context here.

I’ve done this feature before, but this is the first of what I hope will be a series of weekly opportunities to check in on what searches people do to find themselves at Shakespeare Teacher, and to respond in the name of fun and public service. All of the following searches brought people to this site in the past week.

Only one reigning Queen Elizabeth of England has ever died, so I’ll assume you are asking about Elizabeth I. When she died in 1603, the crown was inherited by King James VI of Scotland, who then became King James I of England as well. This united the two kingdoms, and today we even refer to the nation as the United Kingdom.

Iago is a fictional character in Shakespeare’s Othello. There was also a 7th century Welsh King by that name.

I’m not sure what you’re looking for, but I’m not surprised it brought you here. May I interest you in an anagram?

And you thought the midterm was tough.

Yes.

How come you always get to be Genghis?

Ah, you must be thinking of Anne of Cleves, though that may be a bit harsh. Henry had arranged to marry her sight unseen so that he could form a political alliance with her family. But before he agreed to marry her, he sent Hans Holbein the Younger, the greatest portrait artist of his day, to go and paint her. When he returned, as the story goes, Henry liked what he saw and agreed to the marriage. Unfortunately, Henry didn’t realize he was looking at a picture painted by the greatest portrait artist of his day. When he saw the real deal, he was less pleased. The marriage was short, and (fortunately for Anne) ended in divorce.

I leave the task of responding to the remaining search terms to my readers:

It seems that I am the winner of the Shakespeare Geek’s comment contest. I won by posting a comment thanking him for blogging about my lipogram experiment.

First prize is the Manga Shakespeare edition of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Sweet!

Thanks, Duane!

This is the second in a five-part series of Shakespeare Lipograms. For my second lipogram, I have chosen to summarize a Comedy, As You Like It, using “E” as the only vowel.

Enjoy!

The elder gentle begets three men, then meets the end. He cedes the eldest, the Stern Keeper, the effects. The next, the Descent Between, he sends hence. The wee seed, the Extreme Teen, dwells the lesser. The Extreme Teen resents the settlement’s terms. He self-tests the mettle when he enters the Esteemed Wrestler’s meet.

Pretender Fred, the regent, sees the wrestlers meet. (Pretender Fred sent hence the pre-empted regent, Excellent Elder, when he wrested the scepter.) The Esteemed Wrestler wrestles well, yet the Extreme Teen sweeps the meet. The Effervescent Belle sees the Extreme Teen edge the Esteemed Wrestler. She expresses her preference. He gets her present: her jewels. He’s speechless.

Pretender Fred sends the Effervescent Belle hence. She seeks her begetter, the Excellent Elder, between the trees. The Sweet Eggshell tempts the Clever Jester. The three enter between the trees. They dress the sheep herder ensemble. The Effervescent Belle effects the Pretend Gent pretense. The Sweet Eggshell effects the Pretend Shepherdess pretense.

The Feeble Server tells the Extreme Teen severe news. The Stern Keeper’s scheme expects Extreme Teen’s end. They flee between the trees, where the Excellent Elder’s gentlemen dwell (e.g., the Depressed Gentle, etc.). They trek, they even jet, except when Feeble Server needs rest. When he sleeps, Extreme Teen seeks refreshment.

The Effervescent Belle wends between the trees. She precedes the Sweet Eggshell. The Sweet Eggshell precedes the Clever Jester. They see the Senseless Shepherd tell the Elder Shepherd he reveres the Relentless Shepherdess. The Elder Shepherd sells the three the effects, the sheep, even the shelter where they’ll dwell.

The Excellent Elder serves refreshments when he meets the blessed gentlemen. Even the Depressed Gentle enters well-cheered: he met the Clever Jester. Yet, when the Extreme Teen enters, he expects he’ll fence. When the Excellent Elder’s clement, the Extreme Teen repents: he’ll be meek. The Extreme Teen seeks the Feeble Server. Then, the Depressed Gentle renders the best speech yet:

“The scene-set emblem expresses well the sphere’s extent. Men enter. They egress. They represent seven degrees. When they enter, they represent the new-bred fledge. Then, the cheerless prep. Then, the tender teen. Next, the reckless selectee. Then, the well-versed expert. Then, the effete elder. When the event ends, they’re the mere speck: less teeth, less eyes, less keenness, less self.”

The Extreme Teen pens metered verses. They revere the Effervescent Belle’s esteem. She sees the trees where he embeds them. He meets her between the trees, except she yet effects her Pretend Gent pretense. The Extreme Teen tells the Pretend Gent he reveres the Effervescent Belle. He’s dense, yet she relents. The Pretend Gent tells the Extreme Teen he’ll pretend he’s the Effervescent Belle. Remember the Pretend Gent pretense: he’s the Effervescent Belle! Hence, the Effervescent Belle pretends she’s the Pretend Gent, then he (the Pretend Gent) pretends he’s the Effervescent Belle. Get the scheme?

The Relentless Shepherdess rejects the Senseless Shepherd. The Pretend Gent tells the Relentless Shepherdess she needs the Senseless Shepherd. The Relentless Shepherdess prefers the Pretend Gent. Gee. The Depressed Gentle cheers the gentlemen’s deer. The Relentless Shepherdess sends the Pretend Gent her letter. The Senseless Shepherd schleps the letter. The Pretend Gent tells the Senseless Shepherd he needs less Relentless Shepherdess. The Stern Keeper enters. He tells them the Extreme Teen bled. The red sheet lessens the Effervescent Belle’s tender senses. The Sweet Eggshell prefers the Stern Keeper. The Stern Keeper tells her Yes!

The Tree-dweller Plebe reveres the Wretched Wench. The Clever Jester jeers. The Wretched Wench prefers the Clever Jester. The Tree-dweller Plebe flees, dejected. The Extreme Teen, the Pretend Gent, the Senseless Shepherd, even the Relentless Shepherdess, meet. The Senseless Shepherd tells them he reveres the Relentless Shepherdess. The Relentless Shepherdess tells them she reveres the Pretend Gent. The Extreme Teen tells them he reveres the Effervescent Belle. The Pretend Gent tells them he’ll get them wed.

The gentlemen meet. The Stern Keeper expects he’ll wed the Pretend Shepherdess (the Sweet Eggshell, remember?). The Clever Jester enters. He expects he’ll wed the Wretched Wench. The Clever Jester tells the Depressed Gentle the seven effects. The Effervescent Belle enters, less the Pretend Gent pretense. Next, the Sweet Eggshell enters, less the Pretend Shepherdess pretense. They cheer.

The Extreme Teen weds the Effervescent Belle. The Stern Keeper weds the Sweet Eggshell. The Clever Jester weds the Wretched Wench. The Senseless Shepherd weds – yes – the Relentless Shepherdess! The Descent Between (remember?) enters. He tells them Pretender Fred repented! The Excellent Elder expects he’ll be regent. They cheer, except the Depressed Gentle. He recedes. The rest revel.

From A Midsummer Night’s Dream:

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

The simple merry drama wins us, makes him a big deal.

I’m always curious to see what search terms bring people to this site. Here is a list of some of the search terms that brought people here today:

shakespeare and technology
tudor riddles
riddle for a waste paper basket
plays genres
josh lymon secret service codename
descendants of king george vi
shakespeare reading group
what did the tudors find and bring back to England
descriptive word that starts with the letter y
knowledge in othello
is smarter a word
who is the more complex villain in king lear
new book on shakespeare, author on the daily show
mary queen of scots descendants in Virginia
macbeth simplified language
codependent relationship between macbeth and lady macbeth
who influenced sir francis bacon
venn diagram puzzles
descendents of the tudors to present day
fox 40 morning news riddle
what did tudors do in there free space
teaching shakespeare to four year olds
henry viii riddles
riddles in shakespeare
lateral thinking games
queen elizabeth “i am henry …”
multiple choice test for king henry the 8th
in merchant of venice two fathers in post strike rules on their daughters
giant shakespeare crossword puzzle
boleyn living relatives
literacy in shakespeare’s time
a list of twenty things that shakespeare wrote
top 10 reasons to vote
where can i find information on the descendants of bloody mary
what is the coincidence that happened between shakespeare and cervantes

This is a partial list. I deleted several of the search terms, mostly looking for modern-day descendants of the Tudors.

I can tackle a few of these, and I’ll leave the rest to my readers. To the best of my knowledge, Josh Lyman’s Secret Service codename was never revealed on The West Wing. Yes, “smarter” is a word. And Bloody Mary did not have any children, and thus, no descendants.

I have taught Shakespeare to a wide variety of age groups, but never to four-year-olds. I defer to the Shakespeare Geek who is building an early appreciation for the playwright with his own daughters.

As for the Elizabeth quote “I am Henry”, I’m at a loss, though you may be thinking of the Queen’s reaction to a production of Richard II, which is about the deposing of a monarch. She was aware that the Earl of Essex commissioned the production in order to foment rebellion. Elizabeth I is said to have remarked “I am Richard II, know ye not that?”

Does anyone know which Shakespeare author was on The Daily Show? And would anyone like to address the questions about Merchant and King Lear?

I am excited to announce a new (though temporary) weekly feature to the blog, inspired by the book Eunoia by Christian Bök. The book has five chapters, each using only one of the five vowels (A, E, I, O, U), and excluding the other four. I thought it might make a fun constrained writing activity for the blog.

The Challenge: I will write plot summaries for five of Shakespeare’s plays, each using a different target vowel, and excluding the other four. I will choose one play from each of the five genres. I will post one summary each Sunday for five weeks.

Five weeks. Five vowels. Five genres. Five plays.

I haven’t read Eunoia, so I don’t know how Bök deals with the letters W and Y, but I have laid down my own ground rules. Y is okay if it’s used as a consonant (as in “Yet”) or in conjunction with the target vowel (as in “boy”), but not when used by itself (as in “my”) or when it forms its own syllable (as in “every”). There will be no restrictions on the use of the letter W.

Obviously, I will need to change most of the character names to make this work. But rather than arbitrarily choosing new names, I think it would be more faithful to the constraint to choose descriptive nicknames.

For my first attempt, I have chosen to summarize a History play, King Henry IV, Part One, using “A” as the only vowel.

Enjoy!

Brash Lad’s clansman March has a fall at war. Stalwart Braggart attacks and nabs March, and wants cash. Brash Lad wants March back. Grand Man (Hal’s dad) can’t pay Stalwart Braggart that cash. Brash Lad rants mad. Grand Man can’t pay a call at Abraham’s Land, as was always a plan. Grand Man stays wan. An adamant Brash Lad walks, and clasps Stalwart Braggart’s hands.

Hal, Jack Falstaff, and a madcap charlatan band hang at a bar. Falstaff has a scam plan. Hal’s plan sandbags Falstaff. Falstaff, back at that bar, brags and brags. Hal calls Falstaff’s brag and can flash all Falstaff’s cash. Falstaff warns Hal that smart scams can’t trap Stalwart Braggart and Mad Marksman, and that Hal’s dad, Grand Man, wants a harsh chat. Falstaff playacts Grand Man and lambasts Hal. Hal playacts Grand Man and Falstaff playacts Hal. Falstaff (as Hal) says that Hal can’t cast fat Jack Falstaff away. Hal (as Grand Man) says that Hal can, and that’s a fact, Jack!

Brash Lad, Stalwart Braggart, and March all play ball, and plan an attack at Grand Man. March’s lass sang. Grand Man lambasts Hal, as Falstaff had. Hal asks vaward, and Grand Man grants that. Falstaff drafts scalawags that Hal can’t stand and flagrant dastards that pay Falstaff hard cash and walk. Mad Marksman clasps Brash Lad’s hands. Hal packs arms. Falstaff packs sack.

War starts! Mad Marksman attacks Grand Man. Hal casts Mad Marksman away. Hal and Brash Lad clash, and Hal slays Brash Lad. Mad Marksman attacks Jack Falstaff. Falstaff falls flat and playacts a carcass. Hal calls Brash Lad a gallant, and calls Falstaff fat. As Hal walks away, Falstaff plays at sarcasm and says that a gallant’s as apt as a warrant and a hangman. Falstaff nabs Brash Lad’s carcass and says that Brash Lad had drawn a last fall at Falstaff’s hand.

Hal’s man nabs Mad Marksman. Hal plays lax gallant and casts Mad Marksman away. Hal and Grand Man plan an attack at Stalwart Braggart and March. Call that play “Part B”…

From Richard III:

Hear me, you wrangling pirates, that fall out
In sharing that which you have pill’d from me!
Which of you trembles not that looks on me?
If not, that, I being queen, you bow like subjects,
Yet that, by you depos’d, you quake like rebels?

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

Following an ugly primary, we see kooky freewheeling hubbub, mostly myth, about whether Obama may have just offered State to Hillary Clinton in Chicago on Thursday. To keep up the question, she is quoted:

“I’ll think about it.”

Via the Shakespeare Geek, we find a website that uses a Markov chain to generate an alternate version of Hamlet. Check it out!

From what I can tell, the site works from a table of which words follow other words in the play, and how often. It then constructs a chain by looking at the last word (or few words) that were entered, and choosing a random word of those that actually follow that word (or few words) in the play.

For example, one place in the play has “Alas! poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio.” Another part of the play has “I knew your father.” The Markov chain might generate “Alas! poor Yorick. I knew…” and then, only looking at the last two words “I knew” might follow up with “your father.” The final result would be “Alas! poor Yorick. I knew your father.”

This is a favorite example provided by the author, but there are a lot of funny possibilities. You can keep refreshing the page to get a new randomly-generated Hamlet.

Thanks, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead:
Ere I could accuse me of the courtier, cousin, and with a look so piteous in purport
As I perceived it, if I gall him slightly,
Whips out his rapier, cries, ‘A rat, a touch,
The queen desires you to remain
Here is your only jig-maker. What it should be old as I will be laid to us, till I know not–lost all my best obey you, and, at a shot
So art thou to me all the battlements their ordnance fire: proclaim no shame
When Roscius was an actor in Rome,–
As of a dear father murder’d,
With mirth in funeral and with a crafty madness, like the herald Mercury
New-lighted on a roar? Not one now o’er
The triumph of his own scandal.

Enjoy!