I’m to end a hotel stay; to borrow a book;
In the market, to pay for the items you took;
To stop paying attention to what you can’t brook;
To investigate backgrounds; or take a close look.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Asher. See comments for answer.

I’m a seizure of spasms; a tantrum of cries;
How a line maps to data; a match that seems wise;
I am apt like a shoe; healthy torso and thighs;
I am suited for duty; and clothes in your size.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Michael Lewis. See comments for answer.

It’s hard to meet people these days. You may have even seen some online lists of pick-up lines, quick conversation starters for approaching women in bars.

But what if the object of your affection is a Shakespeare fan? Below you will find a list of sure-fire Shakespeare-themed pick-up lines that are guaranteed to breed love’s settled passions in her heart.

Note: This is a parody. Always treat others with respect, and never actually use any of these rude pick-up lines on a real woman in a bar*.

• Excuse me, but are you Joan of Arc? Because you are smoking hot.
• Hi, you can call me King Lear. Because I’m mad about you.
• Do I remind you of Richard III? Because I have a good hunch about us.
• Are you the Dauphin? Because thou hast turned my balls to gunstones.
• Are you Nick Bottom? Because you are the finest piece of ass I’ve ever seen.
• Right now, I feel like young Arthur from King John. Because I just fell for you.
• If I told you I was Hamlet, would you let me Ophelia?
• Are you Shylock? Because I want to give you a pound of flesh.
• You and I are like Kate and Petruchio in The Taming of the Shrew. Because at the end, I bet I can get you to come.

Good luck, and have fun!

—

*I have actually used all of these lines on a real woman in a bar.

I am central in buildings; I’m cooling the car;
I’m the thinnest of MacBooks; the holes in a jar;
For a show to be broadcast; imagined guitar;
And the sneakers of Jordan, the basketball star.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Asher. See comments for answer.

I’m a sad type of state where your movement is slow;
Economic conditions that don’t seem to grow;
I was Great (but not really) not too long ago;
And a wide patch of land that has sunken below.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Matt. See comments for answer.