Archive for August 21st, 2019

NSFW: Shakespeare Pick-Up Lines

Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

It’s hard to meet people these days. You may have even seen some online lists of pick-up lines, quick conversation starters for approaching women in bars.

But what if the object of your affection is a Shakespeare fan? Below you will find a list of sure-fire Shakespeare-themed pick-up lines that are guaranteed to breed love’s settled passions in her heart.

Note: This is a parody. Always treat others with respect, and never actually use any of these rude pick-up lines on a real woman in a bar*.

  • Excuse me, but are you Joan of Arc? Because you are smoking hot.
  • Hi, you can call me King Lear. Because I’m mad about you.
  • Do I remind you of Richard III? Because I have a good hunch about us.
  • Are you the Dauphin? Because thou hast turned my balls to gunstones.
  • Are you Nick Bottom? Because you are the finest piece of ass I’ve ever seen.
  • Right now, I feel like young Arthur from King John. Because I just fell for you.
  • If I told you I was Hamlet, would you let me Ophelia?
  • Are you Shylock? Because I want to give you a pound of flesh.
  • You and I are like Kate and Petruchio in The Taming of the Shrew. Because at the end, I bet I can get you to come.

Good luck, and have fun!

*I have actually used all of these lines on a real woman in a bar.