This is the 17th in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

Lady, It’s Warm Outside
sung to the tune of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

(With apologies to Cee-Lo Green, Christina Aguilera, and the many artists who have performed this seasonal classic duet…)

You venomous toad

Lady, it’s warm outside

Hey, just hit the road

Metaphorically warm outside

I’ve been left to lament

The winter of discontent

And I’m concerned

To glorious summer has turned

You’re a pitiless beast

Beautiful, that’s something at least

Give me leave to curse thyself

I feel even worse myself

And now I accuse thyself

Beautiful, I can’t excuse myself

May lightning strike you dead

These compliments will go to my head

My husband has died

Lady, not by my hand

But your regicide

That was not what I planned

You should be locked in a fetter

I know one place better

As I have said

It is beside you in your bed

I ought to say no, no, no, sir

Mind if I move in closer

Cursed be your future wife

Lady, I want it to be you in my life

I really can’t stay

Now, Lady, don’t storm out

‘Cause it’s warm outside

Now this king is dead

Your beauty gave me pause

And you killed my Ed

Your beauty was the cause

If I thought that

It really knocks me flat

My nails would rend

Don’t even start to pretend

My sister will disown me

Lady, have you ever really known me

My father will spin in his grave

In life, he was far more brave

It will dishonor my husband’s life

A better husband for his wife

I really don’t know what to say

You’ve nowhere else to go anyway

You deserve your reward

Lady, if you think it best

Say, lend me your sword

Drive it right through my chest

It’s not in me to kill

Say the word and I will

I have already said

In your rage, but now you have a clearer head

I wish I knew your heart

I will inter this king

You lied to me right from the start

Vouchsafe to wear this ring

I’m glad you have repented

I’m glad you have relented

‘Cause it’s warm outside